MM: Walking Away
Today was my last day at work for the Southwest Alternate Media Project (SWAMP) as their Program Coordinator. It’s the first job I’ve ever quit without some other reason like “I’m moving to another state.” Moreover, unlike my predecessor in the job, Michelle Mower, who left the position because she was pursuing full-time filmmaking, I’m leaving for a full-time job that’s not in my field. It’s the proverbial day-job and I guess I had hoped that through my work at SWAMP I would eventually be able to leave the day-job behind.
But life happens, schedules change, finances shift, and I couldn’t work at SWAMP and work my flexi day job and take care of things like…my kids. It was too much. And what was going down the drain? My creative projects: my writing, my films.
So I’m walking away from a job in my field that I enjoyed having, that put me in touch with the larger filmmaking community and taking a risk that I will balance my life and focus once again on my own creative juices. I’ve spent a lot of time in the last couple of years fostering everyone else’s. And I enjoy that immensely, but I also need to foster myself.
Truth be told: I’m scared. It’s all on me, no hiding anymore. Time to see if I can make things happen. I don’t expect overnight inspiration. I’m looking for day-in, day-out work building toward something I can be proud of.
Thanks to SWAMP for the support and inspiration I needed these last 7 years. Not just the 2 I worked as Program Coordinator, but the 5 I was a Board Member.
I never really thought I’d make this kind of decision. It’s kind of like when I decided not to move back to Los Angeles after my divorce. It was the right decision, it was the necessary decision, but it was also just a bit bittersweet.